Everyone gets emotional, but for little ones, sometimes those emotions boil over into physical aggression. When that happens, it's time for some big consequences. Children need to learn in no uncertain terms that physical aggression will not be tolerated. Anytime there is an instance of physical aggression, your child will spend the remainder of the day in his room. No questions asked. He may come out for a quick family dinner of no more than twenty minutes. After dinner, it's lights out. To ensure that spending the day in his room is unenjoyable, remove all toys and electronics. Also, make his dinner rather bland. My mom was a big fan of peanut butter and jelly or baked beans and water for dinner when we had badly misbehaved. It really drove the point home that actions have big consequences.
When hitting becomes an issue on the playground, arrange with the school to alert you as soon as your child is violent with a classmate so you can pick him up right away. Immediate action will bring about the quickest results. If you are unable to pick him up early, arrange with the school to report any instances so you may send him to his room immediately after school. When you pick him up, do not lecture or "talk" to him about hitting. He already knows that it is not okay. One more lecture isn't going to suddenly change his behavior. Instead, simply state, "Hitting is unacceptable. You will spend the remainder of the day in your room." That's it. Stay calm and matter of fact.
To help your child learn to manage his temper on a daily basis, develop a simple statement to help him identify his emotions before they get out of control. In my household, when my children started to become frustrated, I simply said, "You are getting upset. Take deep breath and count to ten or go somewhere private until you calm down. Once you are calm, we will try again." Then, I walked away. Screaming, yelling, or throwing earned time in their room until they were able to come out and calmly address the situation. Again, I used a simple statement, "Screaming is unacceptable, go to your room until you calm down." Then, I walked away. By allowing them to return to the family when they became calm, instead of after a set time limit, they learned to manage their own emotions. Physical aggression meant the remainder of the day in their room with lights out after dinner.
I work in an elementary school, we have many little ones that are still learning to properly manage their emotions; after all, that's what childhood is all about. The key is to stay calm and collected. Don't lecture, simply provide concise statements and quick consequences.
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