Discipline in the Leadership Parenting Method focuses on three key principles: consistency, calmness, and consequences. One of the biggest issues to avoid is "Give No Warnings." This can be handled in two ways: addressing issues as they appear or implementing the Ticket/Strike system:
The ticket and strike systems are a self-control training program based on the idea that no one is perfect and it takes time and consistent to learn control and responsibility. This system does not need to be used with all children. Instead, it is utilized when parents are dealing with consistent, specific problems. It is as much a way for parents to exercise consistency and calmness in their discipline as it is a training program for misbehavior. These systems are also not long-term. They are used for a short time, sometimes up to a year or so. During that time, the child starts with a certain number of tickets or boxes. Removal of tickets/boxes lets the child know that they have misbehaved and they need to get themselves in check by exercising self-control. If they do not get themselves in check, then a bigger consequence will occur. This takes the responsibility for behavior off the parents shoulders and places it firmly where it belongs, on the child's shoulders. As a child moves through the these systems, the number of tickets or boxes declines, bringing on the larger consequence sooner.
Once a child has mastered these systems, or for families that do not need a behavior system, parents should address behavior issues as they occur. However, even during the ticket/strike system, verbal warnings are not given. A parent is never to say, "you lost a ticket (or box), if you don't get your act together your going to your room." Or, "you lost a box, two more and you lose TV." And especially not, "If you don't stop, I will take a ticket/box." When a misbehavior occurs, the parent states the misbehavior, for example, "you did not listen the first time, that is a target behavior, you have lost a ticket/box." Then, remove the ticket/cross off the box and walk away. A misbehavior happened, a consequence (losing a ticket/box) occurred. If the behaviors continue to happen, a larger consequence will eventually take place.
Let's compare the two using the following example: you are at a restaurant and your child starts jumping on the chair.
If you use the ticket system and a target behavior is listening the first time, you would approach the issue in the following manner: "Love of mine, stop jumping on the chair. In a restaurant, we sit quietly." You have addressed the issue, but you gave no warnings. You simply stated the expectation. If the jumping continues you would say, "Love of mine, I asked you to stop jumping on the chair. You did not listen the first time. You have lost a ticket." Then you would go back to your meal, again no warnings. If the behavior continues, you would continue to remove tickets. If the child loses all tickets, you don't say, "Now you will go to your room when you get home." You simply state the misbehavior occurring and remove a ticket. When you get home, you send him to his room.
If you do not use the ticket system, you would approach the issue in the following manner: "Love of mine, stop jumping on the chair. In a restaurant, we sit quietly." You have addressed the issue, but you gave no warnings. You simply stated the expectation. If the jumping continues you would say, "Love of mine, I asked you to stop bouncing on the chair. In a restaurant, we sit quietly." Then go back to your meal. Each time the jumping occurs, you repeat the same phrase. Then, when you get home, you can state, "Because you did not listen at the restaurant and continued to jump on your chair, you will go to bed immediately tonight. For the rest of the week, your bed time will be 2 hours early." Or whatever consequence you deem fit. Perhaps, with an older child, you wait until he asks for a play date, then you say, "Three days ago at the restaurant, I asked you to stop jumping on the chair, you did not listen. You will not be visiting your friend today."
As you can see, both ways are remarkably similar in their approach, misbehavior is still addressed and warnings are not given. One simply adds in a tangible, visual approach discipline.
For more detailed information about the ticket and strike systems, pick up John Rosemond's "The Well Behaved Child."
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