Let's start with grace. Grace is the "the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners and the bestowal of blessings." (Merriam-Webster Dictionary) Jesus shows us grace in that while we were still sinners, he died for us. While he shows grace to his people, he also speaks of the consequences of sin both in the Sermon on the Mount and to individuals throughout the Gospels. Jesus even rebuked his disciples when they made mistakes and cast people out of the temple. He forgives our sins, but he doesn't remove the natural consequences for those sins.
As parents, God has given us the task of training up a child in the way he should go. This is done through love, leadership, modeling appropriate behavior, and allowing consequences for actions. Jesus demonstrated all of these principals. Think of Peter walking on the water. When he doubted, Jesus let him fall so he could learn an important lesson on faith and trust. Just like Jesus, you are going to allow your children to fall when they make mistakes so they can learn important lessons too. Lessons that will help to build the fruits of the spirit in their lives - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. So, when you begin to doubt or feel bad, remind yourself that you are building a strong foundation for your children.
As for appropriate consequences, a day-long stay in one's room is one of the best. Your children will be BORED when they sit in their room all day. Children do not like to be bored. However, boredom leaves a lasting impression, yet it does not damage your children's emotional or spiritual well-being. It is simple a motivator, or incentive, to make a different choice the next time. That's all consequences are really, motivators to make a different choice. We don't like speeding tickets. Paying them is a little painful, but they sure do motivate us to follow the traffic laws, which in turn keeps us and others safe. If the consequence doesn't motivate, then there is no reason to change a behavior. This is where parents fall into trouble. We don't want our children to hurt, or be sad. We don't want to be mean. So, we shield them from consequences or we water them down. Unfortunately, when we do this, we have done our children an injustice, for we have robbed them of an experience that will help them grow in the fruits of the spirit I spoke of earlier. So, stick with sending them to their room for the remainder of the day. Better a little boredom now, than a much more painful consequence later.
John Rosemond's ticket system is an ideal example of an appropriate consequence. It teaches your children boundaries and consistency. When you are ready, move your children up to charts. This system adds two additional consequences in the removal of privileges. For each child, you are simply going to think about something the child enjoys doing, and remove that item or act for a day. Once again, a day without a privilege is a motivator to make a different choice, yet it is not too aggressive. Your child will not like losing the privilege of playing outside for a day, but it won't harm him to stay inside and it will motivate him to make a different choice tomorrow. It's a lesson in cause and effect. It also teaches children the difference between rights and privileges, an understanding that many children and young adults are sadly lacking.
To sum it all up, take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are following Biblical principals when you train up your children. By holding them accountable for their actions, you are helping them to develop the fruits of the spirit, which will serve them well in the future.
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