Overwhelmed?

Oh, my dear parents, I hear from many of you how overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious you feel.  Parenting can be a very emotional and trying experience.  But it doesn't need to be.  Parenting can be peaceful and enjoyable.  You simply need to implement three practices.

1) Get Organized -

    A) Sit down with you spouse and come up with a plan of action. This plan will include: chores; family rules; daily schedules; bed time routines; etc. Make a chart for each and detail expectations. For example:  chores - how should they be completed, when should they be completed, and who is responsible for what

    B) Then, as a couple, decide on a course of discipline if rules are broken. You may decide to remove a privilege, assign extra chores, or send a child to his/her room depending on the circumstances. 

    C) After the two of you have planned it out, sit the children down and clearly explain the plan. Post each chart or list in a prominent area. 

**Remember - businesses use simple charts and clear instructions for a reason. Too much information overwhelms. Don't make it so complicated that your children don't understand it or you have trouble implementing it.

2) Be Consistent - 

     Now that everyone understands the expectations, stick with the plan. We have all heard the old idiom, "Talk the talk, and walk the walk" If you don't follow through, neither will your children. However, as you practice consistency, your family will begin to work together. Why? Because there is security in consistency. Spouses, hold each other accountable and help each other out. You have a partner for a reason.

3) Walk Away - 

     When you feel yourself getting frustrated, angry, or stressed with your children, walk away. These emotions don't solve problems, they simply create more as you find yourself quickly falling into the trap of yelling or arguing. Thus, creating more anger, frustration, stress, and now guilt. So, take a time out. I don't mean putting your child in time out, put yourself there. Remove yourself from the situation and take a few breaths. Once you have calmed down, reassess the situation and go back to your plan of action - what constructive things can you say? Does the situation warrant discipline? Do you need your spouse to help?

My thirteen-year-old son recently told me, "I'm not doing it" after I had given him a chore. This obvious defiance immediately rankled me. "Oh, really?" I thought. Instead of launching into some anger-filled speech, I took a deep breath and replied, "Interesting." Then I walked away. When my husband got home, I relayed the incident, we discussed our plan and came up with a course of action. Then, we laid it out for him- for being disrespectful, he lost his TV time and electronics for the remainder of the day, a discipline outlined in our family plan. As for the chore, I had initially told him it was to be done by 4 pm the next day. We simply told him again that it was to be completed by 4 pm the next day and left it at that. You would be right in assuming that the he completed his work by 4 pm. Why? He knows the expectations and the consequences for disobedience, and he knows his parents will follow through. He chose the expectation over the consequence. What would we have done if he didn't complete his chore? We would have followed our plan to remove TV and electronics for a week. Children will test boundaries, they will push the limits, but staying calm and following the plan will lessen the stress and anxiety many parents are now experiencing.  

Finally, let it go.  NO, I'm not talking about Frozen.  Much of our anxiety comes from fear - what will other parents and adults think of me? Do THEY think I'm a bad parent? Do THEY think I'm making poor choices? You need to let those fears go. There will always be someone out there that doesn't agree with you and thinks their ways are better. So what? It isn't about them, it's about your family. Quite frankly, most parents feel the same way you do - we are all just trying to do the best we can to love our children and help them grow up to be happy, independent, productive members of society. So focus on your end goal and let the rest go.